Log in

No account? Create an account
I'm not gonna be on here for a while, I keep spending wayy too much time here and I can't afford to spend time I don't have. I'll probably comment a bit on stuff but I'm not going to be around much.


feel the rain on your skin...

since when have i been such a lightweight??!!
ive only had about 4 units over the last 6 hours!
weirdly enough, i think even though im worse for wear right now, im seeing things a lot clearer than usual, i looked in the mirror and thougt 'crap im actually skinny'. shame i cant always see what the rest of the world see.
i didnt drunk-binge. just drank on an empty stomach (i guess thats the reason behind the lightweightedness) and now im hoping my metabolism kicks itself up the arse enough to sober me up for 3rd lesson tomorrow.
ho hummm
I'm worried about you.
I really want to help you.
I've started to really care about you after reading all your journals.
I want you to be happy, you are such a humble person and do everything for other people. You need to realise that you are more than enough to be loved. I know how hard it is to let people get close, but if you do they will like you.
Be safe.

DAY 28!!!!!!!

exerecise-2/2 i decided to go out with a bang today and did 2hrs at the gym :)
task-2/2 planned my 18th party :D

hectic day...

today was SO hectic!

woke up
went into college to print off some coursework
handed in the coursework
had a kind of private tutoring thingy to catch up work i missed
went to the bus stop
bus was 30mins late
got to town and bought a load of stuff i needed
went to the bus station to get the bus for my flute lesson
damn road works meant this bus was cancelled!!!
so walked to different bus stop, caught different bus
got off at the wrong stop
got lost
walked/ran 2 miles in about 30mins! (whilst carrying shopping, flute, flute music..)
got to flute lesson 20mins late
finished flute lesson, went to supermarket for stuff
came home, had dinner, got changed
left for my 2hr shift at work
went to the gym
had a shower

FINALLY got some time to myself!!! there was literally no gaps inbetween that list, it was constantly one thing to the next! im exhausted now! im off to bed in a minute


forot to mention, i posted the recipe i promised to post community.livejournal.com/edible_meals/1810.html for red cabbage with apple (51 cals) :)

I made a community :)

I decided to make a community for sharing meals/snacks that have no fear foods and plenty of nutrients :)

it's called edible_meals take a look :)



i need to go to sleep!! i need to be up early to fit in my morning run cos i have first lesson, but im way to hyper. i have no reason to be hyper either, i havent eaten much. no caffeine since 3pm, it now midnight
meh, i'll read a book or something i guess


the jeans now go on without undoing the button :D a few more weeks and my small pair will fit again! :D yeesss!

weirdly enough ive only lost 2lbs in the last 5 weeks, but ive lost 2 dress sizes? im guessing its muscle...meh, im not too concerned about the weight, ive got the outline of a rib back and some hip bones :) and i feel stronger and fitter, i think it is muscle :) muscles are easier to lose when im done with the fat anyway
why am i here again?
i know its not really my weight thats the issue, a month ago i didnt care that i was fat, but now im stressed and out of control with work and a levels and all i can think about to conrtol the stress is not eating. why do i love the feeling of an empty stomach so much? and why do i panic when i cant fell my bones any more and my finger and thumb dont fit around my wrist anymore? im 148lbs right now. for my height that is 'normal' but fucking hell i feel like an elephant. 136 is my 'ideal weight for my height' but my ideal weight is 110. how messed up is that? why do i want people to look and say 'wow she's skinny' like they used to? i used to e 115, i was so close, and people noticed. they dont notice if your fat and starving. i need to kep control of my control this time thoug, and i will do. im not going to starve myself, im just going to control myself, just to lose weight healthily. i cant let ana ruin my chances at getting to Cambridge this year after ive been given a second chance, i need to stay healthy. but i NEED to starve, something tells me that.

jeez, this is a scrambled post. sorry.